Counting the counties....

I was out and about the other day in Somerset and on my way back to Gloucestershire I passed through Wiltshire. This got me to thinking, how many of the 86 counties in Great Britain have I actually visited (as in actually stopped there)? I thought it would be almost all of them... It's not. See the end of the post for my total - advise me oh worthy masses which unvisited counties should I go to...?


1. Bedfordshire (Bedford, Luton, Dunstable, Leighton Buzzard, Biggleswade, Sandy)

Nope. Never been here.

2. Berkshire (Reading, Bracknell, Maidenhead, Newbury, Windsor, Wokingham, Abingdon)

Yes, been here many occasions because my ex-wife lived here, it's a quick route to the M4 from Basingstoke and Shrek (Ranald), Lorraine et al live here.

3. Buckinghamshire (Aylesbury, Milton Keynes, Slough, Buckingham, High Wycombe)

Nope. but my mum grew up here.

4. Cambridgeshire (Cambridge, Wisbech, Ely, March, Whittlesey, Chatteris, Linton)

Yes. Through work I had the pleasure of trying not to run down cycling students in Cambridge while on my way to pick up a famous old lady. Long story.

5. Cheshire (Chester, Stockport, Ellesmere Port, Birkenhead, Wallasey, Runcorn, Macclesfield, Crewe)

Never stopped here...

6. Cornwall (Bodmin, Truro, Camborne, Redruth, St. Austell, Falmouth, Penzance, Newquay)

Been here a few times, body boarding with Gary Humphreys and 30th birthday spring to mind.

7. Cumberland (Carlisle, Whitehaven, Workington, Penrith, Keswick, Brampton)

I didn't know I'd been here until I learnt that Penrith is in Cumberland. Stayed overnight. Disappointingly not all the sausages are curly.

8. Derbyshire (Derby, Chesterfield, Ilkeston, Swadlincote, Buxton, Matlock, Ashbourne)

Nope never been here.

9. Devon (Exeter, Plymouth, Torquay, Paignton, Barnstaple, Tiverton, Newton Abbot, Tavistock)

My favourite. I lived in Plymouth (or Guz as we called in the Navy - I never found out why) for a bit and then moved out to Ivybridge. Happy days with Suzi and Dave...

10. Dorset (Dorchester, Poole, Weymouth, Sherborne, Wimborne Minster, Shaftesbury)

Many times - most recently on holiday this August.

11. Durham (Durham, Sunderland, Stockton-on-Tees, Darlington, Hartlepool, Gateshead, Washington)

Yes and not by choice. I was given an account to manage when working at a marketing agency and travelling up the day before and staying in the most life-suckingly depressing hotel made me resent the mighty Durham. I'm sure it's lovely but I do sympathise with the guy who faked his own death. Why fake it?

12. Essex (Chelmsford, Basildon, Romford, Southend, Colchester, Harlow, Brentwood, West Ham)

Mr Craig Pearson introduce me to Essex. In particular I remember staying at his parents house (they were away) and spending a good proportion of the evening singing along to Dodgy (along with everyone else - not on my own of course).

13. Gloucestershire (Gloucester, Bristol, Cheltenham, Stroud, Cirencester, Tewkesbury)

I live here.

14. Hampshire (Winchester, Southampton, Portsmouth, Bournemouth, Basingstoke, Newport)

I spent the first 17.4 years of my life in Basingstoke... Return every third weekend... (not in homage but to see family - trust me, it's not that good)

15. Herefordshire (Hereford, Ross-on-Wye, Leominster, Ledbury, Bromyard, Kington)

Been through it quite a lot but never stopped...

16. Hertfordshire (Hertford, Watford, St. Albans, Hemel Hempstead, Stevenage, Hatfield)

Another marketing client had a business here so can tick it off the list....

17. Huntingdonshire (Huntingdon, St. Ives, St. Neots, Ramsey, Yaxley)

I'm confused - I thought St Ives was down in Cornwall? Nevermind... I don't think I've ever been here...

18. Kent (Maidstone, Canterbury, Bromley, Rochester, Margate, Folkestone, Dover, Greenwich)

Nope never been here.

19. Lancashire (Lancaster, Liverpool, Manchester, Preston, Bolton, Warrington, Barrow-in-Furness)

Definitely stopped here. Spent a night in Manchester at a charity thing (don't like to talk about it)

20. Leicestershire (Leicester, Loughborough, Hinckley, Melton Mowbray, Coalville, Lutterworth)

My first marketing client, ARP, is based here. Now what was the Md's name? Jim Muddle...something...

21. Lincolnshire (Lincoln, Grimsby, Scunthorpe, Boston, Grantham, Stamford, Skegness, Louth)

Never ventured to this county. Am I missing out?

22. Middlesex (City of London, Harrow, Enfield, Staines, Ealing, Potters Bar, Westminster )

Yep. Based here for a bit with Smudge. Jeff do you remember a night laughing incessantly because it said 'baps' on the menu. Oh dear, I wish I had matured since then...

23. Norfolk (Norwich, Great Yarmouth, King's Lynn, Dereham, Cromer, Hunstanton)

No but I did fancy a girl from Diss. I can't remember exactly but I think either Simon Moore or Iain Young stole her... Fair play.

24. Northamptonshire (Northampton, Peterborough, Corby, Kettering, Wellingborough)

Another one that I have never visited.

25. Northumberland (Alnwick, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Morpeth, Hexham, Berwick-upon-Tweed)

Historic, worthy and... unvisited. One day maybe.

26. Nottinghamshire (Nottingham, Mansfield, Worksop, Newark, Retford, Southwell)

Oh I think I have but just can't remember it... either says something about me or the county...

27. Oxfordshire (Oxford, Banbury, Witney, Bicester, Henley-on-Thames, Carterton, Thame)

Yes. Thanks to Jonny Moir I experienced a pleasant night among the dreamy spires (not like that...)

28. Rutland (Oakham, Uppingham. Cottesmore)

Where?

29. Shropshire (Shrewsbury, Telford, Oswestry, Bridgnorth, Whitchurch, Market Drayton, Ludlow)

No but I expect to spend a fair bit of time here in the next few months...

30. Somerset (Taunton, Bath, Weston-super-Mare, Yeovil, Bridgwater, Wells, Glastonbury)

I'm in Bath almost every week and I worked in Weston for a torrid few months so yes to this county!

31. Staffordshire (Stafford, Stoke-on-Trent, Wolverhampton, Walsall, Cannock, Lichfield)

My joint favourite marketing client was based in Wolverhampton. Gorgeously warm people. Nevertheless, Wolves are going down this season.

32. Suffolk (Ipswich, Bury St. Edmunds, Lowestoft, Felixstowe, Sudbury, Haverhill, Bungay)

Nope.

33. Surrey (Guildford, Croydon, Woking, Sutton, Kingston-on-Thames, Wandsworth, Wimbledon, Brixton)

I've stopped in Kingston - my brother parked here when we went shopping in London.

34. Sussex (Chichester, Brighton, Worthing, Crawley, Hastings, Eastbourne, Bognor Regis, Horsham)

Yep. Camped at Blackberry Wood on the South Downs - my dad was born here.

35. Warwickshire (Warwick, Birmingham, Coventry, Nuneaton, Rugby, Solihull, Stratford-upon-Avon)

Lots of clients and pleasure time spent in Brum. Yes I said pleasure time.

36. Westmorland (Appleby, Kendal, Windermere, Ambleside, Kirkby Lonsdale)

Nope. Does this really exist though?

37. Wiltshire (Trowbridge, Salisbury, Swindon, Chippenham, Devizes, Marlborough, Warminster)

Lots of time going through and stropping in Wilts. I also had a ting when I was 13 or so with Sue Tucker of Chippenham.

38. Worcestershire (Worcester, Dudley, Kidderminster, Stourbridge, Halesowen, Malvern, Evesham)

A little. I stopped in Worcester to do some work and I loved it.

39. Yorkshire
    North Riding (Northallerton, Middlesbrough, Scarborough, Whitby)
    East Riding (Beverley, Hull, Bridlington, Driffield, Hornsea, Filey)
    West Riding (Wakefield, Leeds, Sheffield, Bradford, Halifax, Harrogate)
    York (within the Walls)

Where is Rochdale?

WALES (including Monmouthshire)

40. Anglesey/Sir Fon (Beaumaris, Holyhead, Llangefni, Amlwch, Menai Bridge)
41. Brecknockshire/Sir Frycheiniog (Brecon, Builth Wells, Hay-on-Wye, Talgarth, Llanwrtwd Wells)
42. Caernarfonshire/Sir Gaernarfon (Caernarfon, Bangor, Llandudno, Conwy, Pwllheli, Porthmadog)
43. Carmarthenshire/Sir Gaerfyrddin (Carmarthen, Llanelli, Ammanford, Llandovery, Kidwelly, St. Clears)
44. Cardiganshire/Ceredigion (Cardigan, Aberystwyth, Lampeter, New Quay, Tregaron)
45. Denbighshire/Sir Ddinbych (Denbigh, Wrexham, Ruthin, Abergele, Llangollen)
46. Flintshire/Sir Fflint (Mold, Flint, Rhyl, Prestatyn, Connah's Quay, Holywell, Buckley, St. Asaph)
47. Glamorgan/Morgannwg (Cardiff, Swansea, Merthyr Tydfil, Barry, Caerphilly, Bridgend, Neath, Pontypridd)
48. Merioneth/Meirionnydd (Dolgellau, Bala, Tywyn, Blaenau Ffestiniog, Barmouth, Harlech)
49. Monmouthshire/Sir Fynwy (Monmouth, Newport, Blackwood, Cwmbran, Abergavenny, Chepstow, Tredegar)
50. Montgomeryshire/Sir Drefaldwyn (Montgomery, Newtown, Welshpool, Machynlleth, Llanidloes)
51. Pembrokeshire/Sir Benfro (Pembroke, Milford Haven, Haverfordwest, Fishguard, Tenby, St. David's)
52. Radnorshire/Sir Faesyfed (Presteigne, Llandrindod Wells, Knighton, Rhayader, New Radnor)


It's probably easier to say that I've spent a bit of time around Penarth, Shell Island and Bala. This equates to three Welsh counties.

SCOTLAND

53. Aberdeenshire (Aberdeen, Peterhead, Fraserburgh, Inverurie, Huntley, Ellon, Turriff)
54. Angus/Forfarshire (Forfar, Dundee, Arbroath, Brechin, Montrose, Carnoustie, Kirriemuir)
55. Argyllshire (Inveraray, Oban, Dunoon, Campbeltown, Lochgilphead, Tobermory)
56. Ayrshire (Ayr, Kilmarnock, Irvine, Saltcoats, Kilwinning, Largs, Troon, Cumnock)
57. Banffshire (Banff, Buckie, Keith, Macduff, Portsoy, Dufftown)
58. Berwickshire (Greenlaw, Duns, Eyemouth, Lauder, Coldstream)
59. Buteshire (Rothesay, Millport, Brodick, Lochranza)
60. Cromartyshire (Cromarty, Ullapool)
61. Caithness (Wick, Thurso, Halkirk, Castletown)
62. Clackmannanshire (Clackmannan, Alloa, Tillicoultry, Tullibody)
63. Dumfriesshire (Dumfries, Annan, Lockerbie, Moffat, Sanquhar, Langholm, Gretna)
64. Dunbartonshire/Dumbartonshire (Dumbarton, Clydebank, Cumbernauld, Helensburgh, Alexandria, Kirkintilloch)
65. East Lothian/Haddingtonshire (Haddington, North Berwick, Dunbar, Tranent, East Linton)
66. Fife (Cupar, Dunfermline, Glenrothes, Kirkcaldy, St. Andrews, Cowdenbeath, Burntisland)
67. Inverness-shire (Inverness, Fort William, Kingussie, Newtonmore, Portree)
68. Kincardineshire (Stonehaven, Banchory, Laurencekirk, Inverbervie)
69. Kinross-shire (Kinross, Milnathort)
70. Kirkcudbrightshire (Kircudbright, Castle Douglas, Dalbeattie, New Galloway)
71. Lanarkshire (Lanark, Glasgow, East Kilbride, Hamilton, Motherwell, Coatbridge, Carluke)
72. Midlothian/Edinburghshire (Edinburgh, Musselburgh, Penicuik, Dalkeith, Bonnyrigg)
73. Morayshire (Elgin, Forres, Rothes, Lossiemouth, Fochabers)
74. Nairnshire (Nairn, Auldearn, Cawdor, Ferness)
75. Orkney (Kirkwall, Sromness, Balfour)
76. Peeblesshire (Peebles, Innerleithen, West Linton)
77. Perthshire (Perth, Crieff, Pitlochry, Callander, Blairgowrie, Rattray, Coupar Angus, Kincardine)
78. Renfrewshire (Renfrew, Paisley, Greenock, Johnstone, Port Glasgow, Barrhead, Kilmalcolm)
79. Ross-shire (Dingwall, Stornaway, Tain, Alness, Invergorden)
80. Roxburghshire (Jedburgh, Hawick, Kelso, Melrose, Roxburgh)
81. Selkirkshire (Selkirk, Clovenfords, Galashiels)
82. Shetland (Lerwick, Scalloway, Baltasound)
83. Stirlingshire (Stirling, Falkirk, Grangemouth, Kilsyth, Bridge of Allan, Denny, Alva)
84. Sutherland (Dornoch, Helmsdale, Brora, Golspie, Lairg, Durness, Tongue)
85. West Lothian/Linlithgowshire (Linlithgow, Livingston, Bo'ness, Broxburn, Whitburn, Armadale, Bathgate)
86. Wigtownshire (Wigtown, Stranraer, Newton Stewart, Whithorn)

Again, easier to say where I've been than not. Glasgow, Edinburgh, Faslane area. That's it. I think this counts as two. I do however want to take my brood to see the sights of Caithness, just waiting for an invite...

So out of the 86 I've done a measly 27. Barely over a quarter. Shame on me. Are you any better? Answers on a postcard (or here of course...)

Was Magnum PI a pimp?

Probably not. Actually he almost definitely wasn't. But in my attempt at a 'Miami Vice' pimp I think I've accidentally incriminated a certain Mr Selleck - I can only apologise... but it was a good night..

Since Justin Lee Collins last went native, the Cheltenham Road hasn't seen such wanton displays of attention-seeking. Never mind though, Joe was hot, Abe was pious (kind of) and the belle of the ball, Jane, was resplendent in a purple haze of fluff and shiny stuff....

I went home with the vicar....

How long...?

My youngest son went to bed at the normal time tonight but it was different - by the time my partner, Claire, had come back down from settling him it was twilight...

It's hard to imagine now but crappy, cold, grey days are stealing a march on us. I give it about 11 weeks before we're all doing this again... tell me I'm being sullen and in fact we'll have an Indian summer lasting until next June.... Please?

Welcome to the death of summer...

Wipe that tear. Hug that friend. Let's mourn the passing of summer together. Is that it? Has it gone for good? My reliable source says that a reincarnation - albeit very hazy and a poor shadow of its former self - will appear in the middle of the month. That will be no consolation for us though, will it?

*Goes misty-eyed* I remember when summer used to last, well, all summer. It seems that for the last three years all we've had is four days of scorchingly hot, cloudless, days then... light drizzle and a few other warm, but not summery, days. I do have a plan though.

In future we will all work on the premise that summer will be crap. We will ban school summer holidays and, instead, have 'Official Clement Days (OCD)'. We will all have to become keen weather watchers (some might even obsess about it...) because whenever a warm sunny day is expected the Government will declare an OCD, the country will close down (except visitor attractions which will be manned by Ned Flanders type volunteers) and we'll all migrate, en masse, to the coast. Usually this will mean eight hours in a traffic jam... ahhh just how summer's meant to be spent.

I've just been told, by my better half, Claire, that this post makes me really English. I disagree. I think 35,000 years ago our ancestors looked skywards, shrugged shoulders, grunted and then walked back into their caves shaking their heads as they went, thinking 'when will I ever get the mammoth rug dry?'...