Who'd be a vegetarian?

Ok, I'll lay it on the table right now - I love meat. Not usually a proclamation I make so often but I have my little sister coming to stay this weekend and she doesn't like meat. She's a vegetarian.

Now, if I lived in a sitcom there would be endless calamities awaiting my every turn - various meat-associated puns would also be used - 'hey, what's your beef?', 'hey sis, you've put on a little weight, you're getting porky' etc etc There would be plenty of, ahem, hamming it up...

Instead I live in the real world so I'm going to do what all good carnivores should do - no, I'm not going cannibalistic - I'm going to make a banging chilli with a meat substitute, soya. Everyone's happy then - I get to pretend it's meat and my sis doesn't become party to the human race's mass slaughter of lesser beings... Boiled eggs for breakfast? ;)

It's not Easy Like Sunday Morning any more...

I'm sat twitching and seething... Trying to fix a DS, help with a six year olds Christmas list and get the slow cooker on for a hearty Autumn feast. All before 9am on a Sunday morning.

I vaguely, very vaguely, remember when Sunday mornings were about sitting around (with a hangover) watching Goals on Sunday. Then, at about 11am, having a Full English and then a soak in the bath with a good book. At about 2pm I would then be ready to join the world of the living. Oh how times have changed.

My perfect Sunday morning will not be realised for at least another five years. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder...

Robot children...

My two year old sat playing on the computer this morning using a mouse etc and it struck me that kids today just 'get' computers. It's all so intuitive (well done PC manufacturers...) that it does make me wonder why some people of the older generation don't pick it up so quickly - my dear Mum recently sent me an email (well done Mum) asking if I could put a virus on her internet because she couldn't get it to work. After talking to her it deciphered into 'can you put an anti-virus programme onto my computer so I can surf the net safely'. Bless.

I don't buy into all that 'old dog, new tricks' malarkey though. I think some of us are probably just more inclined to 'get it' than others. Or of course it could be a conspiracy by some malevolent Bond-esque super criminal. The villain may have infiltrated maternity hospitals across the country and implants our children with complex microchips so that one day, in the near future, our robot children will rise up and consign us all to a life of servitude. Hang on... I think they've already done it...

Dubya says yes to torture...

Earlier I read that former US President, George Dubya, approved the waterboarding of three prisoners and that it saved UK lives. Now any sane human is instinctively against the torture of another human - you just are, aren't you? But he's been quite clever in directly linking it to saving UK lives. It certainly got me thinking.

What if, through torture, information was received that actually saved the life of your child, spouse (insert significant relation here). Would you rather it hadn't been done? I know my answer....


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11715577

Zip, bang, whizz

How strange we are. Tonight, lots of people will be huddled around fire eating root vegetables that have been baked in the embers. Most of the men will be grunting and poking the hot coals while the women will be shooing children away from the danger... Evolution, really?

In another world....

If I lived in Burbank I would work at the Buy More... -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WE_et_Dey4,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsB_335Mvh0&feature=related,
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXNhCohZWVE&feature=related,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y21IjhYAYnM&feature=related,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqL9NVav6uE

If only every workplace was so... um... surreal

Twitterific

Much like this blog, I've had a neglected Twitter account for a while but only use it sporadically. Thing is, I'm just not sure I have enough to share that deserves a running commentary. Anyhow, I'm going to give it a go and see what abuse get's tweeted my way... or should that be twatted?

And a child is born...

Big congratulations to Jadie and John on the birth of their b-e-a-u-tiful daughter, Gracie.

It makes you wonder though doesn't it... I was making a cup of coffee this morning and I got lost in a train of thought that began with 'Where would I be now if I didn't have kids?' I gave up on this after a few seconds though - it's an impossible thing to do. My first son was born while I was still in the Royal Navy - would I still be serving? Probably not, but what would have been the trigger for me to leave? See - there are so many threads to follow that it makes your head hurt!

Enough rambling - well done Jadie & John, I look forward to meeting your baby girl!

I want one...

Oh boy, just imagine what twisted fun you could have... Personally I would get the boy to catch a fish, dress the fish up as a shark and then put it back in the pond to see if it got 'reeeespek' from the other fish...

Reality beckons...

I'm not one of those people who gets carried away too easily. Yes, I was born an optimist but a more moderate optimist than those 'we're gonna win the cup' lot...

So the World Cup is effectively finished. Who really cares who wins. Football geeks will be nodding along and muttering things like 'good wing play' and 'nice triangles' until the bitter end but why bother? Football is about passion - not lessons in good tactics (we don't need lessons in bad tactics...). If Brazil had gone through then maybe I would still be interested - ****space reserved for good 'Brazilian' jokes****

What are we left with? We're left with a small window in which we won't build up our hopes - summer has already been better than most of us would have expected, we're out of the world cup and there's still another four and a half weeks until league football starts. Bliss - I love my football immensely, but only because I get a two and a half month break from it, every year. Now I wonder what the divorce rate would look like if every marriage had the same?

Where does it go?

Time....

Jeeesus. It feels like 10 minutes ago I was saying I would post more. Did I? No.

Why you might ask. Actually no-one will ask but I'll say anyway - too busy. I can hear the muffled laugh from here. Busy? What makes you too busy? I could just be glib and say "life". Sod that though. Life is what you make it. I wasn't too busy I just spent a lot of time getting my house in order. We (me and the wonder that is Claire) had a sparkling arrival in January and I've made me busy making things work.

It's worked. I'm all Cheshire Cat. My new little dude is what makes me not punch bad drivers, bite my tongue when I could swear, smile when it all inevitably goes wrong... It's not a Gordon Brown smile. It's more Clamerogg = smile, we won, it just doesn't feel like it yet...

Why suffering is good...

Isn't it odd how the things that give you most back also take the most out of you?

I have to say that I am absolutely shattered - sleepless nights with my 2 year old son and work is really hectic now but I'm getting a lot back from both. Your own kids never cease to reward you - it's all the small things that warm your cockles such as when you offhandedly say something like 'that's better' when finishing changing a dirty nappy and then the little one mimics you... 'that's better'. It's only a small gesture but it means the world and that's where you get the payback for the suffering...

The list is seemingly endless though - exercise, drinking and smoking, just for starters, they all knacker you one way or another but I guess the payback is questionable (at least with the latter two!)...

Matchsticks anyone?

Not again...

I've seen a weather forecast today. Well not a proper forecast with temperature predictions and stuff. It was on the BBC website and it was explaining why, next week, we're going to be plunged into another mini ice age. Apparently it's all to do with the jet stream (why don't they just get them to fly a different route?). Next week the jet stream moves south and allows some cold air to camp across Britain. Cold as in Scandinavian cold.

So if you're unlucky enough to live in the east of the country, where most of the snow is expected, winter hasn't finished yet, it was just power napping...

I must apologise...

I have been away too long. Think of it as a winter break, a sojourn in the sun... Of course we've all spent our winter shivering in the snow and dragging ourselves to work in the dark, returning home after dark...

Not to fear. I have yet to see a summer forecast but I'm sure the sun will come up in a few weeks time and then stay there, shining in the sky, until October.

I will update the cyber wilderness with more frequency now and boy, do I have a lot to say!